5 Ways to Perfectly Roast Duck.

I think I always start off my blog by talking about how tired and out of ideas I feel.

That’s uplifting.

Today I’m just tired. I’ve got great ideas, I just don’t have the willpower to follow through with them. So here I am in a tired blogging limbo.

I think it’s because when I write i’m using my emotions as a tool to channel what I want to say. So when I’m tired it becomes harder to say what I want to say, because all I really want to talk about is HOW TIRED I AM.

I had this great idea about blogging about some kind of recipe for food. Like I’d name the blog, “5 easy ways to roast that duck” and instead of talking about the actual recipe I’d just talk about nonsense the whole time until the blog was over.

It sounded like a great idea in my head okay. Maybe it’s not a great idea, but you’re never going to find out the amazing ways you could be roasting your duck anyways so suck on that, faithful reader that I’m SO THANKFUL FOR.

I still think it’s a great idea. Like maybe I’d pretend for a second we’d be getting into it. I’d say, “That reminds me about number 4 of the 5 amazing ways you can roast that duck. I’m super excited to show you my techniques for measuring the temperature of the roasted bird, but first let’s talk about my new merch!” You know, it’d be like that.

So let’s talk about my new merch.

I don’t have any new merch. If I had merch though I think it would be the best. It would say “The Daily Johnson” on it, and everyone would either think it’s a news journal or a shady website.


They’’d be right on both counts. I’m a shady news site.

Get the shadiest of news here. Next week I’m going to talk about how shady Oak trees are compared to their brethren, the furn. And while we’re comparing shade:

We might as well throw some.

Just kidding I have no shade to throw. If you’re my parent’s — which you probably are. Let’s be honest here, my parents are the only ones that have made it this far into this rambling blog about a duck roasting recipe that they’re never going to actually get to use because the recipe doesn’t actually exist. —  

Then you probably don’t know what throwing shade is. Throwing shade is like throwing pipe bomb. Accept instead of a pipe bomb, it’s a mean phrase.

Pipe bombs and stones may break my bones, but shade will never hurt me.

Yeah I’m going to bed.

Good luck roasting your duck. I’m sure another boring blog has fifty different ways you can cook chicken by stringing it to the roof of your house and letting it bake in the sun.

That’s not really what this blog is about.

This blog is about the deeper things in life.

Like plugging merch.

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