FEAR. (and cats.)

Chicken is in the crockpot. I think my mind is also in the crockpot. It’s certainly not where it’s supposed to be.

I discovered myself staring at the wall earlier, completely unaware of what I was thinking about. Maybe I’m tired. Maybe the cat drugged me. Who knows.

I mean I’m not saying the cat’s evil, I’m just saying that all cats are inherently evil and self serving. If I leave it alone for two seconds it bites all my books up and gets hair all over my clothes. I think he knows too. He knows just how to torture me and push my buttons. So would I put it past him to do something even worse? Dastardly, even? No.

He is a cat, though, so I probably shouldn’t be paranoid.

I wonder if some people are paranoid about that kind of stuff. Like, “The cats are out to kill me” kinda thing. . . Probably. I should write a paper on them. Maybe be journalistic for once and try to interview someone who thinks cats are hidden mini assassins who are trying to take over the world.

That’s a great idea for a story.

Someday, just wait: CATSASSINS By JOHNSON DUNN.

I’ve gone off track, haven’t I?

No, I haven’t. There never was a track. This is the track. The crazy track. Where I talk about Catsassins and how my brain is melting into pudding.

Do you have anything you’re irrationally afraid of? I’ve always been afraid of roller-coasters. Nothing activates fight or flee in me quite like those wooden monsters. Ever since I was a kid they’ve always been rather traumatizing to me. I always knew they weren’t unsafe. I just don’t like the feeling.

Maybe I wouldn’t call it a fear. Maybe the logical side of me would call it a distaste. I don’t like roller-coasters, so why would I torture myself by going on one?  

Then again, I’ve had conversations with people about their irrational fears, and I wasn’t able to give them that grace. Some were afraid of insects, or fog, or the sea. . . I mean sure, there’s dangers in life. A spider might jump on you and bite your face off. The sea might drag you down to oblivion. Fog might envelop you where you can’t see and you jog neatly off a cliff. Those actually don’t sound very irrational do they?

Well they are.  

Caution would say that if you don’t know how to swim well, don’t go in the deep end. You absolutely should be afraid of treading water if you can’t swim well, but this is an easily fixable problem: learn how to swim.

The same with the other two. Sure, being afraid of spiders has it’s practical cases; you won’t frolic through spider infested fields asking all the black widows to crawl into your ears if you’re afraid of them. But again, if you’re not a moron you know that as a human, you can crush an insignificant insect with your shoe. Spiders can’t bite through your shoe.

I think the example I’m trying to give here is that fear has a purpose in life. It’s to tell you when things are ACTUALLY dangerous for you. That is it’s only purpose. Irrational fears are dumb. If you can rationalize a solution to your fear, then it’s probably not a great fear.

I still hate roller-coasters though. So I’m a hypocrite I guess. Sue me.  

Don’t live your life in a box because you’re afraid of what’s outside it.

*

*

Catsassins will strike anywhere anyways.

They’re coming for you.

They call them “The Fluffy Death”.

You won’t be able to scream, you’ll be choking on a hairball.

 

 

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