Remember that time I got turned down by a Barista? No? Well let me remind you:
When I was eighteen I vividly remember walking in to the same coffee shop every day after work; hoping that a certain girl was there that I had a crush on. Every day I’d come in and get a four dollar coffee, and just try and make conversation with this girl and get to know her. After A while we became friends of a sort. We had already known each other a bit before I had started coming to the coffee shop. . . So finally after what felt like months I got the nerve to ask her out on a date, and. . .
She said no.
She just wanted to remain friends, which was completely understandable. After I finished talking to her I walked to my car, and all the way there I had a smile on my face. While it may have been a bummer that I had just gotten rejected, I felt so much relief.
When you’re looking forward to something exciting, or even anxiety inducing, like asking a girl out on a date. There’s nothing like the feeling afterwards. I feel like I tend to make things bigger than they are, and afterwards I see it in the correct perspective: That it never was a big deal. The thing that was really torturing me was the anticipation of making the move, but afterwards, regardless of the outcome, there’s a sense of completion.
When you make your best effort to get something done, and it doesn’t end the way you wanted, it’s not a bad thing. Sure, you may have not gotten what you wanted. Maybe you didn’t get the girl, or the job, or the promotion, or whatever, but that doesn’t matter! What matters is that it’s over, and you have an opportunity now to go out and try again!
A fear of rejection is normal. Nobody want’s to work hard on something, or spend hours fawning over someone just to get turned down. It becomes so built up in our heads that it is literally everything you think about. The fear of rejection makes it harder for us to just go for things we want to do!
That’s where the true pain lies: Uncertainty. I’m not sure how to deal with uncertainty. It’s more complicated than dealing with failure. It’s just something you live with. You wake up, and you’re uncertain how the day is going to go. It could go good, it could go bad. Nobody really knows how their day is going to go, but we can always have attitudes that no matter what, we will have a good day. And perhaps that’s the way we deal with uncertainty? That no matter what, even if we fail time and time again, we make an agreement with ourselves to always get back up. No matter what.
Rejection itself is nothing to be afraid of. Your life isn’t going to end if you don’t get what you want. You’re still you. You’re still smart and capable. No amount of rejection is going to take that away from you. People who succeed in life have failed miserably in the past, but they don’t care about their failures. They lost that fear of rejection, and decided to just go for it.
You’re never going to get it right the first time. You’ll be rejected time and time again. Take comfort in that, because you can do it.